Regrets & Recriminations
by Ciara2531
Summary: Harvey centric drabble set post 2x05 Break Point. Shades of Donna/Harvey


**I've been absent from FF for a very long time and really only posting this here because there just isn't enough fic about these two. It's my first attempt in this fandom. I've been wanting to write these characters for a while but was waiting for inspiration. Tonight's episode gave it in spades. Enjoy!**

**ETA: I posted this the other day but then it mysteriously disappeared the next morning. I'm giving it a second chance and hoping that whatever the bug was, it's been fixed. **

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This is why he doesn't do feelings. The thoughts running through his head, the knot in his chest, the burning sensation that suggests he's not pulling enough oxygen into his lungs. Feelings make things complicated and messy. He might believe in bending the rules or in shades of grey but the rules he applies to himself are remarkably black and white.

Win, but win right.

Unlike what a lot of people believe, Harvey does have standards, morals even. There are some things that he won't do, not even to win a case. But there are other things too. Things that he should have done differently, like apologize sooner to Frank Randall's widow, and things that he probably shouldn't have done at all, like take Lawrence Kemp at his word four years ago.

Maybe, if he'd made different choices then, he wouldn't be _feeling_ the way he is now. He wouldn't have had to face the regret and the recriminations in Donna's eyes as she walked out and he wouldn't be so aware of his own regrets and his own recriminations. Not that there was much chance of ignoring them with Mike around; the accusation in the kid's eyes had been faint but damning.

Still, there wasn't anything Mike could say that Harvey wasn't already thinking. And anyway, this wasn't about the puppy, it was about him and Donna. It was about so many years spent together and so many things left unsaid, too many things.

His relationship with Jessica worked because he knew how to pick and choose his battles. But earlier, in his office, he'd been tempted to fight it out with her even though he knew she wouldn't budge. She was putting her ass on the line because she believed in him. He should be grateful and he was but it didn't cancel out his frustration.

The worst part was that it wasn't the circumstances that got to him. Yeah, he was pissed at Tanner and annoyed with Hardman and the sorry excuse for a lawyer that he'd hired. He was even irritated with Jessica for sticking to her guns even though he knew she had no choice in the matter.

No, what had him clenching his fist and locking his jaw as he stared out at the city skyline was the fact that Donna hadn't come to him. All her talk about protecting him was totally beside the point. If she'd just come to him in the first place, he might have been able to fix it, might have been able to protect _her_ for a change. But she hadn't.

No matter how many ways he turned that around in his mind, he couldn't grasp it. He'd told her they worked because he trusted her. He'd assumed that she trusted him too. Apparently he'd been wrong about that.

The look on her face when she'd yelled at him that he kept things from her all the time, the raw edge to the words as they spilled from her mouth…that wasn't about work and he knew it. He knew it, but it wasn't the time and the place to deal with it so he'd fallen back on the professional boundaries that separated "the boss" from "the secretary" even though those boundaries had never existed between him and Donna.

And then he'd watched her leave. No, he'd _let_ her leave. It was different; not a mistake, a decision.

He'd told Mike to cut Trevor loose, said that he was an anchor, a weight around the neck that would only drag Mike down. What he hadn't said was that an anchor could be other things too.

Sometimes, it was the only thing that kept you from losing your way in the middle of a storm.

Sometimes, it was the thing (the person) you should have held onto the hardest but that you let slip away instead.


End file.
